you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
