i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
