I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
