I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
