i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
