ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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