Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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