The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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