That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
