Umm I'm too high to move.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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