I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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