worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
