Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
