I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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