I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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