I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
