I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
