if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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