Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
