end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
