Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
