Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
