Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
