I want to have your abortion
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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