you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
