i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
