I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
