And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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