The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
