margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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