I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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