let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We need to get me chipped asap
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
