And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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