We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
