but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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