happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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