Me. At least after what I've been through.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
