And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
