Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
