you're like a bully in the Christmas story
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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