Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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