ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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