when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
