I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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