Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
