Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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