in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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