i need an iv and a liver transplant
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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