i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
