Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what day is it and did you see me today?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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