I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
