I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
