Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
