Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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