I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
