you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
