opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
