you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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