Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
