jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
