what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
