is your mom at the bar?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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